Emily - a jumble of thoughts.

Emily - a jumble of thoughts.

Emily

a jumble of thoughts.	[May. 19th, 2008\|01:47 am]
I feel weird. I feel emotional. I feel like I'll probably never get better. Everytime I leave the house I have some form of anxiety attack. At the end, when it starts to subside, I just feel like crying. Today was such a weird day. I feel heavy, heavy weight on me. It's hard to breathe sometimes, which in turn makes me start to panic. I think I have an idea for a book. I kind of want to start writing. Not that I'm any good but maybe one day it can form into something great, and if not great than just above average. I don't know why I keep going back to the things that make me feel worse. It's kind of like a puppy that keeps going back to it's horrible owner because it doesn't know any better. Except that I'm not a puppy, and I do know better. I just can't get myself to stop. I try to escape through reading, how cliché I know, but somehow it just ends up with me narrating my day-to-day life in my head as I'd want it to play out in ink on paper. Maybe that's where I got the idea for the book. I think I need therapy. I think I need a new life. I'm okay, I think. Maybe I think too much. I just don't know how to cope with things, or deal with life. I thought I'd outgrow it, but the weight isn't getting any lighter. I don't think I'm too far gone, I just don't think I know the way back. this isn't for you, it's for me. I don't know how else to explain it.
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